Birthday Dinners, Rain and Reflection

Last night, my husband and I drove out to Mesa to celebrate our oldest son's birthday with him.  It occurred to me, while eating my steak, that we hadn't done this since he turned two... just the three of us (his sister was born three weeks later).  That sister is in Idaho, his little brother was at work and his wife was home sick :(  Not that I'm glad anyone missed the traditional birthday dinner, but it was rather nice to sit and break bread with just the humble beginnings of our little family.
     When the kids have a birthday, I go all facebook on them.  I dig up pictures of their life and post 4 or 5 to show the world how cute they were and how they have changed over the years.  OK, I'm sure there are friends that roll their eyes when they see these posts, but I'm OK with that.  It's my way of celebrating my family, telling the world about the people that mean the most to me.
     While we were eating dinner, it started to rain outside.  And it is still raining, 12 hours later.  I love the rain.  When we lived in Portland, it rained quite a bit and there were days where I didn't love the rain so much.  But here in Phoenix, the rainy days are few, far between and precious.  And one of my all time favorite things, is to lay in bed and fall asleep to rain.  I don't understand why, but it soothes me.
      And last night I needed soothing.  My dad's health is declining rapidly.  I've been on the phone with my mom and my sister.  I have spoken with my dad on the phone and visited with him like any normal phone call.  But it was different, too.  We were saying those things that one wants to make sure one says before saying goodbye.  I feel like he is slipping away.  His quality of life has not been good for over a year.  He is tired of the constant, daily struggle.  He knows it is hard on Mom.  So decisions were made... there will be no more hospitals, no more dialysis.  Hospice will be coming in to care for him and to give Mom a break.  And I am struggling with the decision of when to go back home.  I had planned a trip in January, but I'm not certain I can wait that long.  The Holidays are upon us, and my little family will gather, but my dad is far away and time is precious.